Monday, April 13, 2009

The Horror

(Title said like Marlon Brando's character, Col. Kurtz, at the end of Apocalypse Now! - the greatest movie ever made.)

Saturday is swim lessons for the kids at Lifetime Fitness. In case anyone has forgotten, I hate the "health club." It's nothing against Lifetime, it's "health clubs" in general. Too sweaty, flexi, overpriced, loud and stinky. So...

Reason #852 why I hate "health clubs" - coming from the pool entrance in the men's locker room you make a turn and walk down a long-ish hall. The end of the hall is directly across from the entrance to the sauna. The sauna has a glass door. Sitting in the sauna in front of the glass door is Mr. No-Towel with his junk hanging off the bench. DUDE! Wear a F***ING towel. No one wants to see that! Of course the guy was so fat that he probably hadn't seen his own junk except in a mirror in decades. Here is a hint - the sauna does not melt fat away, it just makes you sweat!

Reason #945 why I hate "health clubs" - this did not happen to me - it was described to me at Easter dinner, but it qualifies as yet another reason for me. A friend of ours was describing how she was running on the treadmill at the "health club" and there was a guy running who was making every imaginable bodily sound. Coughing, snorting, "hawking up a lung," moaning, groaning, more coughing and snorting. Do you NOT realize there are other people in the vicinity and that S**T is disgusting? It's like he was raised by wolves.

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