Wednesday, July 8, 2009

I Hate A Parade

I am not a fan of parades. They are second only to circuses in the long list of things I don't like. Every Fourth of July our little suburb holds its parade down the main thoroughfare that runs near our house. This year I decided to document our parade in all its glory so I can laugh at some of my ridiculous neighbors all year long.

There are several categories of ridiculousness.

Creepy Clowns:
There were many creepy clowns but these two were the creepiest.

Man or woman? I am not sure and I am not sure I care - please move on! (Triple double creepy with a giant syringe.)

This clown had one creepy giant hand that he kept putting in kids faces (smell the glove = gross.) He had a name tag. Apparently his name is "Gizzy." (Pronounce it however you want. it's still creepy.)

Obnoxious neighbors/moms:
I really can't believe the lengths people go to in public to be obnoxious.

Here are some people who brought a couch to the parade because lawn chairs are clearly not good enough for their obnoxious asses.

And here they are pushing the couch back down the middle of our street after the parade. (Classy.)

This is obnoxious mom #1 (white shirt, khaki shorts.) She is basically shoving kids out of the way to get candy from some Cub Scouts. Her kid is standing behind her to the left in the green shirt. (How do I know this? Keep reading.)

Here is Obnoxious Mom #1 giving the candy she just got to her completely wimpified kid. She did this every time someone came by giving away candy. 

Here is Obnoxious Mom #2 taking a page from the playbook of OM #1. ("Here kids - mug the Daughters of the Revolution for some candy. Let mommy show you how it's done.")

Obnoxious Mom #3 was a little more subdued in her candy grubbing. She just sat in the middle of the street and held her kids' hands up to get some candy.

Sorry Floats/Bands:
Nothing says a parade like the local grocery store. (I was hoping they were throwing out broccoli. Or meat.)

A local garage and their Asian drum circle.

Followed by their flat-bed tow truck with a couple of "repo-hussies" on the back.

Nothing says America like high school girls in long lycra dresses with guns and strange spider webs snaking down the sides of their faces. (They kept dropping the guns and I was afraid they might inadvertently shoot one of the spectators.)

And my all-time favorite float - a garbage truck. They were throwing candy to the crowd from the back. (Really!?)

Super Heroes:
Yes, Super Heros.

Superman was there. He has been spending a lot of time in front of the computer lately so he has gotten a little out of shape. You can't tell from this picture, but he wasn't wearing his super underpants. And from the looks of things he wasn't "super" in all areas.

(Oh, yeah "Super Power!")

Batman and Robin were there, too. Robin was a little less enthusiastic than Batman.

Not-So-Super Girl made an appearance. As did her muffin-top and panty lines.

Wonder Woman brought up the rear. We were all speculating as to whether this get-up was her fantasy or her husband's.

After the parade we spent the day hanging around a friend's pool and eating all-American fare like chips and salsa, potato chips, beer and soda, burgers and chicken. Of course we watched fireworks later - they were pretty good this year.

Hope everyone else had a wonderful July 4th and didn't blow off any body parts with illegal fireworks. (Happy Belated Canada Day to all you Canucks who think of July 4th as the day before July 5th.)


Court said...

oh my god, that was so funny!

Tasha the Triathlon Goddess said...

*Snort* - at least Wonder Woman was in shape! The others, oh my god. I guess their super powers don't include the ability to look in a mirror, say, before putting on skintight brightly colored clothing? Umm, except for the purpose of triathlons, say. Then it's okay.

Roo said...

Oh, how I miss the Midwest.......

Did you really expect classy behavior from people who own a pink couch?

Hopefully those three moms are never at the same birthday party if there's a pinata involved. There would surely be a fight.

Charisa said...

I grew up going to a parade every 4th of July just outside Chicago. But we did not have such in-shape super heros as you do in MN!! haha