Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I Really Need To Get Out More

Alright, I started a post earlier today bemoaning my life and the fact there isn't really anything blog-worthy happening. This is how far I got so you can all see how lame and self-indulgent it was.
I am writing this post out of a sense of duty. Duty to my dear readers (thanks, you two) to have something to read from me. I am not writing this because something miraculous has happened. Quite the opposite. I really feel like NOTHING is happening.

The kids have about a week and a half of summer vacation left and zero activities planned. This means I have to plan activities, something I am terrible at. My inability to plan activities makes me feel like a terrible parent. (Case in point - F has a friend over right now, they are playing Wii and have been for a couple of hours - yes, I said HOURS. It was raining earlier and everything is wet and our street is still torn up so it's totally a muddy mess, but still.) Tomorrow I get a respite because A doesn't work so it is my "free day" to get stuff done (read: find a job.)

I will do some of that "job finding" stuff - I actually have an informational interview on Thursday - but mostly I run some errands, write some stuff, drink coffee and sit around gazing at my navel. (Have I written this post before? It seems familiar.) All of this sitting around - I mean actual sitting - has started to wreak havoc on my aging body. We are familiar with my lower back issues and I think I am developing some aches and pains in my upper back, too. Like the stabbing pain under my shoulder blade that radiates into my neck so I have a hard time looking left. (Don't be around me when I have to drive.) I need to stop sitting around - literally!

I know, I know - oh whoa is me. I have it so rough. Boo hoo. That's not what I am saying.
Sad, isn't it?

After A got home from work I went for the run that got rained out this morning. As I was clicking off 11 warm and sunny miles, I decided that if my life isn't exciting I would at least make it sound like it is. To the most mundane blog posts I will bring interest, drama, excitement, blood-letting and violence by adding -- that's right --


Why zombies you ask? No one likes zombies. Zombies are soulless, brain-eaters that the general public seems to enjoy seeing shot-gunned, macheted or otherwise dispatched with axes, hatchets, flame-throwers, circular-saw blades, high-caliber firearms, arrows, cross-bows or shards of broken glass. Sure, they look like your loved ones, friends or neighbors, but they are already dead - killed by the bite of another zombie - so if you destroy them you are only taking out the trash and can't be held responsible for killing someone, because they are already dead. Also, inevitably they are stinking, drooling and terrible dressers (although some are pretty good dancers - Thriller! - but that is beside the point.)

The more interesting blog posts might have run-ins with zombies as well, if it seems appropriate. Think of it as a dash of salt to bring out the flavor of any already delicious story. Where as for the boring posts, think of zombies as the seasoning salt that covers the taste of the ground beef (or mashed potatoes for you vegans, or white rice for the gluten intolerant) that is my life.

So zombies it is!

Or have I completely over-thought this whole concept? Zombies might be "over" already. Maybe I should throw in random infections of the N1H1 flu virus (you know, the "swine flu.") Nobody likes the flu either. It's timely and top of mind. People who have the flu are runny nosed, coughing, sweaty, smelly and soulless. They dress like shit and they never want to dance. Problem is, if you whack the head off of a flu sufferer with a dull, rusty hatchet you are actually committing murder - not a public service.

I don't know now. Let me work on this concept a little while longer and I'll get back to you.


Roo said...

Ummm- that was weird.

D said...

Toooooooooo loooooooooooooong. ADD.

Mary said...

Ok, I am late to this post. Maybe it was because I had such low expectations that I somehow liked it.

Maybe it was because I scanned it and didn't invest too deeply.

Weird is right, but you actually talk about flu sufferers who dress like shit and don't want to dance...that's funny.

And maybe someone whacked your head off with a dull rust hatchet that day...