Tuesday, September 29, 2009

A Space Toddyssey Guide to Less Than Marginally Effective Endurance Athlete Encouragement

What can I say? I have a gift. Charisa was kind enough to point it out so I feel I must share it with the world. Following is a list of less than encouraging platitudes to help those endurance athlete friends of ours "go forward." I know people will be so demotivated by these statements that we will be seeing them prominently tattooed so they will never forget the words that befuddled and depressed them during their toughest times. That, or I will be permanently banned from spectating at any Ironman events for fear of someone doing me bodily harm.

Without further ado, I present to you:

A Space Toddyssey Guide to Less Than Marginally Effective Endurance Athlete Encouragement
  • Glad to see you up and about.
  • Looks like you're still working hard.
  • What took you so long?
  • You got here waaaay quicker than I thought you would.
  • Enjoy yourself, you're not done yet.
  • Lookin' OK.
  • Those shorts are flattering, just not with that top.
  • Are you going to be OK?
  • Just keep breathing.
  • Can you take a picture of me and this cute guy I met?
  • Like my grandma always said, "it doesn't matter how you feel, only how you look" - oh wait, that doesn't bode well for you.
  • Don't celebrate yet. A lot can happen between now and the finish line.
  • You're getting some good color.
  • You really have some stick-to-it-iveness, don't you?
  • Do you need me to contact anyone for you?
  • You going to be much longer?
  • Tortoise and the hare, buddy! Tortoise and the hare.
  • Did you remember to set the Tivo?
  • Keep smiling! Or grimacing. Your choice.
  • Everything's going to be OK.
  • I am so going to Twitter about the look on your face.
  • I think you may have a little something on your shirt...not there...nope... more to the left...there it is...you got it.
  • Whoa! Dude!
Consider this Volume 1.

4 comments:

Court said...

Those are hilarious!

My favorite: "Don't celebrate yet. A lot can happen between now and the finish line".

Good stuff, can't wait for Volume II.

IAN said...

Charisa, Maggs & I were discussing this on a run after our race on Sunday. I think you need to add "You're almost there!" to your list (or maybe its coming in Vol. 2... sorry if I jumped the gun). I normally find almost anything encouraging, but that one, unless said about 100yds from the line, almost always gets on my nerves.

Roo said...

Number 10 would be especially effective if said to one's husband or boyfriend.

Charisa said...

This is PERFECT! I especially like "Don't celebrate yet - a lot can happen between now and the finish line" and "Tortoise & hare!" I can't stop laughing!!!