Wednesday, March 3, 2010

A Tired Subject

I have been debating about writing this post for some time. To me the subject seems kind of tired, but as I don't have anything else I thought I would just go for it.

"Health Clubs"

I have developed a love/hate relationship with "health clubs." Part of this is news (the 'love' part) and part of this is nothing new to anyone who has read my blog for awhile (that would be the 'hate' part.)

(Tangential thought alert! Every time I write a post critical of my favorite targets - airlines and "health clubs" - or any other thing that irritates me, I think about all the jobs I can't apply for. Oh, well - it's more important to be entertaining than employed, right?)

So this "love" part is new. I only "love" the club because it has given me the opportunity to rehab my injury without having to struggle outside in the snow, ice and muck. So other than that, it's really mostly "hate."

I have about 10,000 reasons why I hate "health clubs" but I'll whittle it down to a select few.

Locker rooms are GROSS (dudes are gross in locker rooms)

I can't count the number of old band-aids I have seen in the shower. And they are folded up so the person had to take it off, fold it and then just leave it on the shower floor. Disgusting.

Then there is the snorting, coughing, hacking, spitting and snot-rocket blowing in the shower. I guess it's fine if you have to do that, but maybe without so much gusto. Ick.

And in no particular order: dude's junk on the edge of the counter, dude's bare ass on the bench, dudes walking around bare-ass naked - just wrap a fricking towel around your waist, dude's sitting in the sauna - legs spread (with or without towel) - facing the window. I DO NOT WANT TO SEE YOUR DANGLING, HAIRY MAN-PARTS, thank you very much.

Other disgusting people

On at least three occasions now I have put my water bottle in the holder on the treadmill and then have had problems getting it out because someone left gum in there. WTF!? I check now. It always seems to be the same kind of gum. Just spit it out before you start.

"Health Club" is a fallacy

I refer to a "health club" rather than a "gym." To me, a "gym" is something at a school with basketball hoops, a cargo net and climbing ropes. And I put it in quotes because I don't really think I see a lot of "health" being gained. I have to admit that I don't know nuthin', 'bout nuthin' on this subject, but I see so few people sweating, breathing even a little heavily or doing exercises correctly that it hardly seems like a place people are getting "healthy." Even when they are working with "personal trainers" they seem to be "working" very little.

Waste of money

I find a "health club" to be a total waste of money. I do have to temper this opinion somewhat, because I have gotten a lot of use out of it these last few months, but for the most part I think a lot of money is paid for very little use. Now that it's getting nice out the last thing I will want to do is run inside so it will become even less useful.

The Cast of Characters

Then there's the cast of characters:

The chick who is there seemingly all day, everyday - halter top (open back, so no bra?) and a tennis skirt. On the elliptical, not at all working hard, typing on her laptop.

The heavy sweater who hammers on every machine he is on and sweats profusely - (that would be me.)

The muscle-meatheads who wear tight wife-beaters (matching with their friends) or muscle t-shirts with the sleeves cut wide open and then walk around all puffed up. It doesn't disguise their gut - so dude, you're not "buff" you're just "fat."

And finally, the fat complainer. I see this woman, who is working with a personal trainer, and every time the trainer has her do something even moderately strenuous she exclaims, "Oh my god, you can't be serious?" It's never fails to make me smile. In an uncomfortable way.

I guess this kind of turned into a rant. Sorry about that. I'll try to find my funny again for my next post.


Jill Costantino said...

Great post and soooo true! You did however forget the Character: The ladies that come in with TONS of makeup on - oh that could probably be added to the girl that types on her laptop.

NJ said...

If (like me) you are going during the day, that does seem to be the time that many more "gross" people come out to play. It doesn't change the fact though that as a woman, there is no time of day you can go and not get oogled by some sick old fart.

For those girls (and guys) who sit on the elliptical machines and don't break a sweat, I've always liked the term "cardio bunnies." Don't forget the gallon of water the meat heads carry around with them.

I actually kinda like my gym (I call it that because it doesn't have all the amenities that many out there do) because people do work hard. No not everyone, but there are quite a few. Even still, I'm ditching the membership as soon as our snow is gone.

Despite the ranting, this WAS funny!

Kathleen @ ForgingAhead said...

Wicked funny!

Teresa said...

Try the "mens locker room in downtown Seattle". Our members have stories that are unreal.....all you mentioned and then some...but then again maybe you left some out due to a PG blog ;)

PS, no I have not seen the men's locker room, just heard about it!


kerrie said...

you would love my "health club", it's pretty intense. the most interesting thing about it is that nobody seems to have a job - they just spend all day at the club(now, not that i'm pointing fingers or it probably doesn't help that they serve alcohol there and the men's changeroom has t.v.'s.
and there can be a super blizzard, and everything is closed down, but the club parking lot is always full.

ADC said...

Well clearly there is something wrong with all you American "health clubs". We Brits have nice ones.

Question Authority. said...

I think I still favor breaking sidewalk ice with my face over running on a stranger sweat-covered treadmill. (Pretty sure I jinxed this Saturday's run by typing that.)