Thursday, May 27, 2010

The Pits

This stems from an IM conversation my sister and I had. It for sure fits in the TMI category, but what the hell, right?

Anyone who's read this blog probably doesn't need to be reminded that I am a heavy sweater. It's particularly bad when I am training. I'll lose 8 pounds in a warm 2 hour bike ride. Easily. And a long run, forget it. I can lose that and more, when you add in the liquid I take in. Now when I am sitting around I don't sweat more than the average person. With the exception of my arm pits. (I warned you - TMI!)

It's nowhere as bad as this guy, but it's annoying and - especially in the no undershirt weather of summer - unsightly. I can feel the sweat start to trickle down my sides and it drives me nuts. (Totally gross, right? I KNOW!) So I have been using this "clinical strength" antiperspirant for awhile now and it's a total scam! It's more expensive, there is less of it in the stick and it doesn't work!

Now technically I am not following the directions, but the directions run contrary to an average person's life. In the morning I take a shower, put on antiperspirant and get dressed. The directions on this product say to put it on at night. WTF!? I don't need to worry about this shit at night and what happens when I take that shower in the morning and wash it off? Now I am completely unprotected all day until I go to bed. Granted, the product isn't a complete failure - it just doesn't kick in until mid-afternoon, but by that time I have changed my shirt like five times and grossed out numerous people. I just don't get it. I am lucky in the fact that I'm not stinky. In fact, I have a tendency to smell just like mountain prairie flowers. Or bacon. Both of which are acceptable odors to emit in my estimation. (And yes, I have checked and double checked with my wife to make sure that I actually don't stink and it's not just that I am used to my "perfume.")

So, I continue to struggle with my affliction and I now wonder about the people who have read this entire post. You were given warnings and opportunities to turn away, but you stayed with it to the end. What kind of sick individuals have I cyber-befriended? (Apparently the best kind of individuals who have no problem ridiculing me and my handicaps in the comments section. Have at it!)


D said...

You're married. Who cares if you sweat?

Susietri said...

Todd, just catching up - have you tried botox? Apparently it is used to counter excessive sweating. And you arm pits will look younger.