IMWI 2010 Race Report - What the F*ck Happened? (WARNING: boring)

I'm having a hard time remembering Saturday.

Let's see. CS and I got up early to drive the bike course. We dropped MS off on the way so she could meet up with her training group to swim in the "rain swept boiling lake of doom." Again, I wasn't interested in battling waves prior to race day. So, CS and I drove the bike course in the rain and because I am a directional retard we kept getting lost even though we had two GPSs, written turn-by-turn directions and a map. We were following a couple of other cars who were doing the same thing and wanted so badly to blow by them, slow down and then have them pass me so I could accuse them of drafting and just be a general asshole. I didn't do that, but CS and I had a lot of laughs contemplating it.


Yep, we're in Wisconsin. Hope I don't run into this guy on race day.

Driving the course never really gives you a good sense of what the ride will be like, but it's nice to pick out some landmarks to gauge distance and the location of tough sections. There were also the landmarks where it would be necessary to picture "butterflies and rainbows," sing Christmas Carols ("JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, MOTHER FUCKING JINGLE ALL THE MOTHER FUCKING WAY. DASHING THROUGH THE FUCKING SNOW...") and weep quietly. We were anticipating a good day.

We headed back to the hotel (at some time we had breakfast, but I can't for the life of me remember what it was or where. I'm sure it was delicious and I did funny stuff and again was generally an obnoxious ass.) We went for a very quick ride to the Monona Terrace and back. I doubled the amount of time spent on my bike with that ride. It's a good thing we went when we did because I hit a bump and my left arm rest twisted. We went down to Machinery Row Bikes and they did a kick ass job making some last minute adjustments and making sure everything was tight. CS had to get her bike checked in early because she had to pick up her family from the airport so we headed back. I went through my routine of dressing up my bike real purdy like, laying out my Bike and Run bags, going through my transitions in my head and then again as I ticked off all the stuff in the bags. (Flashes of my type-A personality.)

(I just reread this section and it's as boring as toast. Sorry. It's because I'm having a hard time remembering Saturday, which leads me to believe nothing particularly interesting happened or at least nothing at this time of the day. I guess it was pretty business like. Whatever. Maybe I'll make up some shit to make it more interesting. And I could probably add some random pictures, too.)

After CS left I started to feel lonely. I dialed up some adult movies...NO I DIDN'T! I called MS - she was on her bike so I figured I'd go for a little run. 20 minutes and done and I fricking stink. When MS gets back we take our bikes to check in. Uneventful.

Wait, no - this is where I met Ian and Charisa. We were all dropping our bags off in transition. I thought I saw Charisa's husband, Steven, in the hall and then, boom, there Ian and she were. They are even nicer in person. (Although, Ian is kind of fat - no he's not! I'm kidding. Charisa is super cute and she smelled like mountain prairie flowers - no she didn't! I'm kidding - she kind of smelled like Lucky Charms, strange.) We talked and then laughed and laughed about drowning in a wetsuit and other hilarious, but impossible tragedies. We all had people waiting for us (we are all kind of big deals) so we parted ways. Ian and I sized each other up which I mistakenly interpreted as an invitation to lean in for a hug. Ian interpreted it differently - he shook my hand. Following that faux pas Charisa raised her clenched fist, which I initially interpreted as a punch to my throat in defense of Ian from my weird attempt to wrap myself around his rippling masculinity. I flinched and closed my eyes. When my eyes flickered open Charisa stood there with her fist out, I chuckled uncomfortably and then laid upon her the most feeble and awkward fist bump in the history of Ironman transition bag drops. It was like I never learned anything from voting for Obama and watching his tender fist bumps with his wife. **idiot**

MS's husband and A were driving to Madison together and were still a ways out. I'm sure we did some other shit, but all I can remember is going with MS for a late lunch/early dinner again at Monty's Blue Plate Diner. Once again, I had a boatload of food. Then we did some other things. Then we went back to the hotel to wait for our spouses. They showed up, along with my mom. Then some other stuff happened.

(Are you guys as bored reading this as I am writing it? Let me see if I can wrap it up.)

A, my mom and I decided to go to dinner after I finished putting my "needs especial" bags together. We were going to go to a pasta place, but it was packed so we went to this white tablecloth steak house instead - Johnny Delmonicos. I had half a bowl of soup and half a salad since it was late and I had already eaten a giant meal. Our waiter was hilarious. When he described the porterhouse steak that wasn't on the menu he could see the lust in my eyes. I explained that I was racing in the morning and he said, "Oh, just come in and have it after the race." Hmmmm, I'll consider that. Strongly.

Then we went back to the hotel and went to sleep.

(MS & CS - if you remember anything even remotely entertaining about Saturday, please remind me. My readership is probably half what it was at the beginning of this post. From 4 to 2.)

I hope my posts get better from here.