One Week

I have been procrastinating writing a new post for a while, but the time has come to get it out. The last few weeks have been a little emotionally draining, but that kind of shit is boring. So as to not leave you all hangin' - everything is fine. It was potential work stuff, combined with some hard training and rainy days, but now the sun is out, it's been oppressively hot and I leave for Hawaii in one week.

In order to keep my mind off my misery (not really, but kind of, maybe a little - and tapering doesn't help) I have been obsessing about my trip to Hawaii to race the Rohto Honu Ironman 70.3 Half-Ironman Triathlon Endurance Race (or whatever the fuck they are calling it.) I've been creating my packing list, reviewing it, double checking it and then editing it for typos. I've been cyber stalking a variety of people who I "know" but have never met to coordinate a time to meet. All while worrying that they will think/find out I'm some psycho/weirdo and slash my bike tires so they never have to see me again. (FYI - I am not "psycho" but some may consider me "weird" but that is related to said race.)

I'm not really that worried about peple not "liking" me. I am more worried that they will be disappointed that I don't wear rad horn-rim glasses, v-neck cable-knit sweaters and smoke a pipe. Or that I don't look like a hedgehog with bagpipes and a tamoshanter cap. I look just like your average, slightly less than middle-aged dad from Minnesota with a lot of Northern European ancestry. In other words: a particularly pale white guy with thinning hair. (Betcha can't wait to meet me now.)

So for the next week I will continue to rework my packing list, bother strangers via the interwebs, obsess about my weight and generally walk around like I have had one pot of coffee too many.

A little less training will give me more time to post on my blog. I'll try to find something interesting and not race related to keep it interesting.

Blaaaaaahhhhhh-rrrrrrrgggggghhhhhhh!

Well, it's that time of year. The time of year when I start to question what the hell I am doing with my life. That, or it's seasonal affective disorder, but I prefer the obsessive navel gazing and questioning the choices in my life because it makes for a better (or sadder or more self-indulgent - definitely self-indulgent) blog post.

Winter seems so ridiculously long at this point. I know! No one is holding a gun to my head keeping me here, but, as I have pointed out before, all my stuff is here and I really hate moving. And when I say "stuff" I am including my wife and kids and dog and my emotional baggage - you know, the "stuff" I have become strangely and strongly attached to.

Come mid-April it will be two years since I was laid off from my full-time job as a commercial interior designer. At this point though, everything gets rounded up, so - it's been two years since I had a job. I have done some other things in the past two years, but seeing as those were short-term and part-time they don't seem to register or count.

A thought just occurred to me - didn't I formulate a plan for the future a number of weeks back? (The same thought probably occurred to you way before it occurred to me and I appreciate you sticking with this post as this is territory we have trampled before.) Yeah, the plan. OK I just need to work the plan. All right - enough of this then.

Injury update

I will have my next PT appt. on Wed. Since my initial appt. I have been doing my exercises and feeling major improvement. I now walk up and down stairs without pain. I rode the trainer for 90 minutes and felt no residual effects later in the day as I had been - my ass still hurts, but that is just my boney butt. I will do a short run this afternoon and see how everything feels after that. This evening I do my exercises again - twice a day, already did them this morning.

This past Saturday I was supposed to run the Frozen Half-marathon (see Steve in a Speedo's report here) but opted to pass so as to not aggravate my injury or my wife or both. It was a very wise decision as the weather was less than ideal - rainy (gross,) cold (miserable) and potentially icy (dangerous - for me anyway.) I am also happy to report that neither my injury nor my wife were aggravated Saturday morning. (My wife may have been aggravated, but no more so than usual. She is married to me after all so a constant level of aggravation is included with this premium package.)

Travel update

This past weekend my lovely wife celebrated her 40th birthday. This weekend we will really celebrate it with a trip to Vegas with two of her college girlfriends, one of their husbands and a 5-month-old baby. I know and love all these people (except the baby - we've never met) so I am looking forward to a good time. I hope to have some pictures and words to prove how much fun we had. And since I am "Sober Cab" nothing is off-limits. Mmwhahahaha.

2010 Is Going To Be "Interesting"

In my experience "interesting" is never a good thing. And so may go 2010, but it's only one year, right?

First off, I need to thank everyone who commented on my last post. Your encouragement, suggestions and feedback was very much appreciated.

I had a great talk with my sister over coffee today. She had some career planning questions for me which, surprisingly, I was apparently very helpful with. I know, right? "Those who can't do, teach." She also helped me clarify my plan for the year. I am going to make an effort to work the plan I outlined below. I have an idea for my first story, I just have to track the guy down, but I should be able to do that in January. So I am thinking that if I can find a unique event or person every couple of months and then write the story and market it, I will be happy with that.

This leaves me a lot of extra time which I will fill either looking for another job or actually working. What will I be doing? Well at this time I am thinking I would like to find a job working at a running store, bike store or someplace like REI. It might be Starbucks for all I know. I just need to get out of my house. Another opportunity might present itself as an architect friend of mine, recently laid off, and I are going to get together after the first of the year and see if we might want to put a little residential practice together. It's an interesting opportunity as we would be able to keep the overhead super low and we collaborate very well together. We'll see.

So maybe you, my 10's of readers (that might be a little presumptuous,) can make some suggestions of races or events that might be interesting/entertaining. I would like to find some in the Minnesota or Chicago area in the first quarter of 2010 as it will be easier to get to these. When the first few stories are successful (think positive, right?) I will then look at other areas of the country. First I need to make it through the holidays. I really find the whole thing rather tedious and stressful. Just a couple more weeks, I think I can make it.

I Really Need To Get Out More

Alright, I started a post earlier today bemoaning my life and the fact there isn't really anything blog-worthy happening. This is how far I got so you can all see how lame and self-indulgent it was.

I am writing this post out of a sense of duty. Duty to my dear readers (thanks, you two) to have something to read from me. I am not writing this because something miraculous has happened. Quite the opposite. I really feel like NOTHING is happening.

The kids have about a week and a half of summer vacation left and zero activities planned. This means I have to plan activities, something I am terrible at. My inability to plan activities makes me feel like a terrible parent. (Case in point - F has a friend over right now, they are playing Wii and have been for a couple of hours - yes, I said HOURS. It was raining earlier and everything is wet and our street is still torn up so it's totally a muddy mess, but still.) Tomorrow I get a respite because A doesn't work so it is my "free day" to get stuff done (read: find a job.)

I will do some of that "job finding" stuff - I actually have an informational interview on Thursday - but mostly I run some errands, write some stuff, drink coffee and sit around gazing at my navel. (Have I written this post before? It seems familiar.) All of this sitting around - I mean actual sitting - has started to wreak havoc on my aging body. We are familiar with my lower back issues and I think I am developing some aches and pains in my upper back, too. Like the stabbing pain under my shoulder blade that radiates into my neck so I have a hard time looking left. (Don't be around me when I have to drive.) I need to stop sitting around - literally!

I know, I know - oh whoa is me. I have it so rough. Boo hoo. That's not what I am saying.

Sad, isn't it?

After A got home from work I went for the run that got rained out this morning. As I was clicking off 11 warm and sunny miles, I decided that if my life isn't exciting I would at least make it sound like it is. To the most mundane blog posts I will bring interest, drama, excitement, blood-letting and violence by adding -- that's right --

ZOMBIES!

Why zombies you ask? No one likes zombies. Zombies are soulless, brain-eaters that the general public seems to enjoy seeing shot-gunned, macheted or otherwise dispatched with axes, hatchets, flame-throwers, circular-saw blades, high-caliber firearms, arrows, cross-bows or shards of broken glass. Sure, they look like your loved ones, friends or neighbors, but they are already dead - killed by the bite of another zombie - so if you destroy them you are only taking out the trash and can't be held responsible for killing someone, because they are already dead. Also, inevitably they are stinking, drooling and terrible dressers (although some are pretty good dancers - Thriller! - but that is beside the point.)

The more interesting blog posts might have run-ins with zombies as well, if it seems appropriate. Think of it as a dash of salt to bring out the flavor of any already delicious story. Where as for the boring posts, think of zombies as the seasoning salt that covers the taste of the ground beef (or mashed potatoes for you vegans, or white rice for the gluten intolerant) that is my life.

So zombies it is!

Or have I completely over-thought this whole concept? Zombies might be "over" already. Maybe I should throw in random infections of the N1H1 flu virus (you know, the "swine flu.") Nobody likes the flu either. It's timely and top of mind. People who have the flu are runny nosed, coughing, sweaty, smelly and soulless. They dress like shit and they never want to dance. Problem is, if you whack the head off of a flu sufferer with a dull, rusty hatchet you are actually committing murder - not a public service.

I don't know now. Let me work on this concept a little while longer and I'll get back to you.

Saturday is a new day

It is totally clear and sunny out. Still cold, but the sun really helps. I still have that lingering cold. I am on cup five of green tea for the day. I figure this would be better than coffee for helping get over my cold. 

The kids let me have over an hour to ride the trainer. It was nothing spectacular, but I was riding for over an hour, so I will take it right now. The kids didn't complain too much as they were allowed to watch something like their third hour of cartoons. That is what happens when they get up at 6:00 AM. We have to drag them out of bed at 7:00 on a school day - I don't get it. 

F had his final basketball camp. Now, that probably sounds impressive - like my kid is some sort of basketball phenom or is obsessed with basketball. Nothing could be further from the truth. If I may toot my own horn for a moment - I am horrible at ball sports - at least ball sports that require hands. (All together now - insert obvious joke involving "hands" and/or "balls" - "balls" is funny though.) Thus my affinity for individual sports with no balls required (see above parenthetical note.) No, this is a camp put on by community ed, but it is very well run. He went from not being able to get the ball up to the rim to making a good number of shots and his dribbling has improved immensely. I am very impressed. I promised E if she hung out with no complaints we would go out for lunch. After a litany of options, all shot down by F because he is a jerk, they surprisingly and enthusiastically agreed to go to the Turtle Bread Company. 

This is a great little spot in Minneapolis, about a mile from our house. (Of course we drove - please add this to my gigantic carbon footprint.) They serve giant pieces of homemade quiche that the kids love (ie: will eat) and good pastries. It has kind of a funky, down-homey vibe and it is kid friendly. On the way home F says to E, "When I get home I am going to change my clothes and hop on the Wii." E replies, "I thought we were going to cuddle." F said, "Oh, yeah. And then we can play Wii." Priorities kids, priorities.  

We are heading over to my brother-in-laws for dinner tonight. We will bring the dog and see how that interaction goes. E has let me know her feelings about this scenario - "They will all be WILD and I am NOT OK with that." I am, so that's all that really matters.

The house is a disaster area right now. I really need my wife back. (I will pick it all up before she gets home, I was just seeing if anyone was paying attention.)

Can you say "Temptation Island?" We need to get these things delivered soon.

More time in the kitchen and lovin' it!

I am watching Top Chef and trying not to eat everything that isn't tied down. This is strange, since I made a kick-ass dinner tonight (kind of a country style slo-cooker coq au vin.) Now, it's no secret to anyone who has read this blog that I am currently "between jobs" and since the prospects are bleak right now, I have decided, after consultation with my wife, to take the pressure off myself and not feel like I have to "pound the pavement." My wife agreed, with conditions. I do the laundry (includes folding, but not ironing - thank god), keep the house picked up and take care of dinner. Well, I initially resisted the dinner thing - "I don't think that way, planning meals, etc. Tell me what to cook with a recipe and I will do it, but plan a meal - no way." (Laundry and picking up around the house - no problem.) In the past couple of weeks things have changed. I looked at the calendar to see what activities we had this week, then I made a list of the dinners I wanted to make, then I shopped to those meals. Suddenly, I feel like I have become a decent cook. Of course, my recipes come from Real Simple and are real simple, but they taste good and I make them with really fresh ingredients. All of this has really helped the old self esteem. Men (me) so often define themselves by the job they do - that is how they contribute to the family. My contribution is different now, it feels more important, it feels more real and it feels more fulfilling. (Plus, I get to train whenever I want or need to - nice bonus.)

Happy New Year!

Chinese New Year that is.  As if the freezing weather wasn't depressing enough.  My "friend" MS sent me some information on this, the year of the Ox.

My sign is Monkey, here is what I have in store.  

Being a monkey, I will continue to do what monkey's do - play with myself and throw poop - literally and figuratively.  I will also now have to start wearing a helmet all the time since stuff is likely to fall from the sky onto me.  

My wife's sign is Rooster.  

We are going to have a peaceful family life so, we have that going for us.  And Rooster girl should have a job all year.

MS responded to my disappointment with the following sentiment:

"Take this zodiac and shove it!  You're not Chinese anyway."

(MS is a Dog.  She claimed she can smell her own butt. Lovely.)

Two days left

Today is December 1st, 2008.  I only have two days left of my thirties.  Wednesday I turn 40.  On one level it's not such a bad thing.  People who don't know me very well assume I am younger (maybe it's because I am so immature.)  I am in pretty good shape and I have most of my hair (although it has been thinning - and thanks A for reminding me about that.)  I have also been avoiding, up to this point, feeling particularly 40.  It does help that I started to enjoy running as much as I have so I have energy and have avoided injury.  But 40 isn't really that old is it?  

On another level I feel kind of sad.  It doesn't help that I am "celebrating" another decade and I am currently under-employed.  The hair on my head is thinning yet I am growing hair in areas I haven't before. (Nose and ear hair clipping is now a regular grooming regimen - sorry if that was TMI.) My kids are getting older, my mom retired and I like to watch the History Channel. Oh, well - there isn't anything I can do about it so I will just keep plowing ahead.  

Rainy Days and Mondays

Today is obviously Thursday, but the sentiment seems appropriate.  It has been cloudy, cold-ish and drippy for the last four days or so and it is starting to get to me.  E has been home with a cold for two and a half days now. Which means I have to stick close to home and haven't been able to get out much.   F has been up in the middle of the night for a variety of reasons for a few days now, so I am a little sleep deprived.  And to top things off I have eaten terribly for the last three days.  I am pretty sure I have eaten more servings of Oreos (with milk however) than fruits and veggies in those three days.  Running usually gets me back on track, but it was rainy, cold and windier than expected today and those things combined with lack of sleep and empty calories equaled less than exuberant running this morning.  I need some snow or sun to lift my mood.  Or maybe I just need a nap.  

Dreams

Everyone always goes back to that place of comfort - a happy place - when things get stressful or disappointing.  At least that is the way it happens for me.  For a long time when I get to tough places in my life, I start to have swimming dreams.  The pool was my happy place for so long.  I dream I have to do some insane workout after not being in the pool for years or I have to get in and race with no training.  Thing is, they are pleasant dreams.  I feel in control and calm.  I never finish the race or the workout, but I always feel good about it.

Well, now I have developed a new happy place.  Apparently it's a triathlon.  I have been having tri related dreams lately.  Again, they involve being thrown into a workout or race with no training, but in them I appear confident, competent and do just fine.  

Too bad at this time there is no money in sport for me, but it helps get me through the days - and nights.

So This Is What It Feels Like

I am convinced now that I am in the middle of a mid-life crisis.  What are the signs?  Well, I just did the RealAge survey by those doctors who are on Oprah and I lied on some of the questions to make it look better.  I got laid off about three weeks ago and am now not sure I want to do what I am doing (DO NOT tell my wife).  I started working out again about nine months ago and now I am obsessed with it a little bit.  I think my hair is thinning.  I am concerned about my graying chest hair.  I have a mole on my leg that I think should be looked at even though it doesn't have any of the criteria for skin cancer. I look in the mirror and squeeze my gut and shake my head.  I am obsessed with nose hair and ear hair.  

I doesn't help that I have read numerous articles lately that basically describe all the stuff I am going through.  I feel like such a cliche.  

My shrink (yes I see a shrink - have for years) doesn't seem concerned.  My wife, I think, is a little befuddled.  The kids think what I do is funny.  My mom and sister seem supportive and excited for me.

Isn't getting older a wonderful thing?  I'm not sure, I'll keep you posted.