Three Weeks to Gluttony

Every year since we were married A and I have hosted Thanksgiving at our house. This year will be no different. The big day is still three weeks away, but I am already starting to consider what to make. We always do a turkey - that's a given. Last year we did two. One we did in the oven and the other we did on the grill. Everyone LOVED the grilled turkey. I'd like to do it again this year, but we will only have one larger turkey rather than the two we had last year (we had more people last year.) In a blatant attempt to flush out lurkers on my blog I am looking for suggestions for turkey prep. At the very least I am willing to wrap it in Nueske's bacon (the best bacon in the world.) I am also looking for recommendations for stuffing. We won't do any stuffing in the bird, in the past we stuff it with tons of garlic, onions, and other delicious veggies. I have heard deep fried turkey is fabulous, but I am not willing to try something this "radical" - our family members and guests have a finite tolerance for change.

From there we are thinking about side dishes. My mom always brings sweet potatoes. She prepares them the only way any self-respecting northern Minnesotan or Wisconsinite would - with ample amounts of bourbon and marshmallows. We'll have mashed potatoes, but if anyone has a suggestion on how to improve these, that would be appreciated. Veggies have always been my mother-in-laws seven layer salad - again, an upper-midwest staple. (Unfortunately, this dish peaked in the 70's.) We'll also do either Szechuan green beans or asparagus, but those are the default options.

If anyone is looking for a turkey prep suggestion - last year one of the birds was stuffed with lemons, oranges and pineapple. I mean crammed tight. And boy was it good. That tends to lend itself more to oven preparation and I can't do it this year because it doesn't work for gravy production - which is an absolute requirement.

In other Thanksgiving prep news we have made some upgrades around the house. A relented and let me install a TV in the kitchen. This will make watching football much easier while cooking. We have also pulled the trigger and bought new dining chairs. After much investigation, sampling, hand wringing, test driving and procrastination we found some at West Elm. These are perfectly acceptable and inexpensive enough that if they don't last no one's heart will be broken. (You don't need pictures now, you'll have to wait three weeks until the table is set.)

As I sit here writing this post I can feel my ass getting bigger and my gut getting softer. I like the holidays but I really need to figure out a way to keep my weight under control. I guess we all have a cross to bear. Mine tends to be fork shaped at this time of year.

The Great Minnesota Gorge Together

After a week of licking my wounds from last week's failed experiment in blogging. I have retuned. This post has just about everything anyone could want - animals, kids, food, obesity, body parts and crop art. Enjoy! (You ungrateful bastards.)

The last week of summer is always punctuated by a visit to the Minnesota State Fair. Every year it is basically the same thing. Animal barns, kids rides and food.

Officially it's called "The Great Minnesota Get Together" but the kids and I made it a fair-food fest.

Main entrance.

The mascot.

We got going early. For E, it was too early because she had a difficult time figuring out what she wanted for breakfast so we left the house with her unfed. (I know, "good parenting," but just you wait - it gets even more impressive.)

It was a beautiful sunny day with cool temps - just a perfect day for the fair. We entered on the north entrance so it wasn't at all crowded and the food booths were plentiful. First order of business, find E some breakfast. What did we settle on? Prono-Pups. (Like corn dogs, but much better. OK - exactly like corn dogs, but they have sweetness in the batter.)

E had already finished her Pronto-Pup. F still had a little nub left. Notice also our morning beverage of choice - Sprite! (Now that is some good parenting. You will notice my wife is no where to be seen, she was working.)

From here we actually looked at some stuff. I will let the pictures speak mostly for themselves.

First up the Horticulture Building

Scarecrows made of various materials. I also like the various seed corn samples on the wall - how do they judge that stuff?

Crop Art = art made from corn, wheat, barley and any other type of grain.

This was my favorite.

I actually kind of liked these from a graphic design point of view.

On the way to the animal barns we came across one of Minnesota's finest contributions to the cuisine of the world.

My kids are "thrilled," especially E.

Then we came across the the second of Minnesota's finest contributions to the cuisine of the world.

(Try to imagine a tater-tot hotdish on a stick with cream of mushroom dipping sauce. Some of you probably have NO idea what I am talking about.)

Finally, we made it to the animals.

Sheep

I love them in their little jackets to keep their wool clean before showing.

Getting groomed.

Nuts! (or as F would say, "Nuths!")

Different nuts. (I especially like the chainsaw sculpture with the guy pondering his future while a bear sneaks up behind him to rip his head off with razor sharp claws - or at least that's my interpretation. Hey, it's "art" - I can see whatever I want.)

Cows

Thrilled kids, once again.

Pigs

Deano

Pig on the loose.

Pigs getting a shower.

After seeing where so much of our delicious food comes from we were hungry.

Hmm, what first.

Deep fried cheese curds and Icees.

E liked the curds way more then F.

E and I had roasted corn on the cob. F wasn't interested.

That was followed in rapid succession by:

Tom Thumb Mini-Donuts and

Sweet Martha's Chocolate Chip Cookies.

The fair is always good for people watching. With a mass of humanity like this:

It's not uncommon to see people like this:

This gentleman was nothing compared to the rather larger woman standing behind me at the ticket booth. Wheezing. While she was standing.

and couples like this:

I like the way the pink feminizes what could easily be mistaken for a camo blouse that matches her husband's hat and t-shirt ensemble.

All in all it was a very fun day. Can't wait for next year.

Wine Snobbery

**I forgot to post this one so it's a little after the fact**

We ate at an "Italian" restaurant in the middle of Wisconsin on our way back from vacation. I should have guessed it would not go well when I looked at the wine list (I was just curious) and saw this at the top:

I didn't even know they still made Riunite, much less sell it at restaurants. I dared A to order it on ice and then I sang the jingle for the rest of the night.

So nice I thought you would like to see it twice.

Something I Ate

Here is a picture of a wonderful lunch treat I concocted for myself.

Mac & Cheese (Kraft Dinner, for the Canuks) and bacon. MMMmmmm!

Here is a picture of the angioplasty I gave myself after eating the above lunch treat.

At-home medical procedures are so convenient.

Summer Vacation

This past weekend was up and down. The kids finished up school for the year on Friday. It was a beautiful day. I rode to and from school with them as I have been doing for a lot of the last couple of weeks. It is so great to have the kids wanting to ride their bikes.

Saturday I decided to run. I was going to wait until Tuesday but I kept seeing people running and my legs were feeling good so I decided I had to go on Saturday. We ran three miles. Keep in mind this is a little less than a week post marathon. I kind of wanted to go further but I decided to do the three and not push it. When I got home I was lamenting the fact that I didn't have any speed and with a sprint triathlon coming up in two weeks I was concerned about the "sprint" aspect. I decided that if I got up early enough I would run again on Sunday. 

Running on Sunday was pretty much a sure thing. My kids don't know the meaning of sleeping in unless it's a school day and there is test. My dog is on a 5 AM schedule, too. For some reason he thinks it's playtime at that hour. Needless to say, I did not sleep late. I did piss around for awhile, let A sleep in and I watched cartoons with the kids. Finally, about 7:45 or so I decided I needed to get out and run so I woke A up (she was awake, just lying there) and headed out. My plan was to run four miles - mile one was to be a warm up, two miles quick and a mile warm down. I didn't have real high expectations for this as I had run the day before and had run a marathon a week before that. My warm up was about 7:48, the next two miles were around 6:53 and the warm down was 8:16. Way faster than I expected and it felt way better. My HR did this crazy thing. You can see the chart below. It was higher at the beginning and dropped down during the highest effort. I love that! I feel like my speedy legs are still there. Now, for some biking and swimming.

Today is the first Monday of summer vacation for the kids and it couldn't be more of a disaster. OK, I am probably overreacting, exaggerating, overstating, unduly pessimistic. The day (and most of the past weekend) has been gray, rainy and cold. This morning it was thunderstorms and 49 degrees and now it's gray and about 51. Being cooped up in the house with my monsters damn near drove me bat-shit crazy. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my kids, but they are fricking LOUD! They actually have been playing well together for long stretches at a time. (Right now E is repeating, "Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy..." Hold on while I stuff a sock in her mouth.) 

Around 1:30 I needed to get some coffee and the kids needed to get out of the house so we walked up to Caribou Coffee. I told them to grab their Nintendo DSs so they wouldn't be completely bored. All I wanted was a change of scenery for about a half hour. E wanted a decaf mocha and two chocolate covered espresso beans - the girl is only 9 - but I gave her what she wanted because she ordered it herself. F just wanted water and he got all shy and wouldn't order but he did eventually upgrade to a Triple Berry smoothie, which he inhaled. 

I am not sure why they look so surprised.

E is reading a book by a local author who sets the plot in real locations around Minneapolis. One of the places that a lot of action takes place is Quang Vietnamese Restaurant. There was a lot of talk about Strawberry Bubble Tea. It's funny because not too long ago I was reading a blog post about bubble tea (I can't find the post - tell me if you wrote it) and was able to explain that the bubbles were tapioca - by the way, that is some good stuff! I basically had three dinners because E and especially F didn't eat all their soup, so I had to help out. I love Vietnamese food, but I don't have the most adventurous family so I never request it - maybe this will change their minds some. 

E and strawberry bubble tea.

So that is the poop on me lately, kind of random and only mildly interesting or entertaining. I hope this isn't an omen for the rest of summer vacation or I will surely lose my mind in the first month.

Other Crap

For the record: this has nothing to do with the stuff I couldn't remember last night, but I thought I would classify it under "other crap" for continuity sake and because it really is just a bunch of random stuff.

We picked up our race packets earlier today. A couple of people (the other two people I am running with) were a bit disappointed in the expo and didn't really get that "pump" for the race that they were hoping for. I set my expectations waaaay lower figuring it was the first year of the race and having already experienced the somewhat ham-fisted way the course was set up. I sent an email to the race director to get confirmation that the course was USAT certified and I have not heard back from him. We asked around the expo and no one could give us a definitive answer - another example of first year inefficiency. (This thing had better be certified because when we qualify it better count, damn it.) Oh, I don't know what kind of tracking they will have available, but our numbers are 355, 359 and 360 - like the circle. (Me, LF and MS, respectively, not "respectfully" like I posted originally - I'm dumb.) The magic number is 3:45.

In other news: my mom is in town to shop before a trip to Europe and to watch the marathon and the kiddos when A and I go to a little private concert on Saturday night. I will be making it a very early night on Saturday and A has already secured a ride home with a neighbor. So, this concert is by a guy named Martin Zeller and his band The Hardways. Martin Zeller is formerly the lead singer for a band called the Gear Daddies. They put out a few albums in the late 80's and early 90's before they broke up. The music is really fun and a lot of Minnesota grew up on this music in college. You can find their stuff on iTunes. (Two favorites - Color of Her Eyes and Time Heals. Unfortunately the best song is not listed - I Wanna Drive the Zamboni.) Now, for some completely tangential Minnesota music information.

As I was checking to see if the Gear Daddies were on iTunes I came across an iTunes Essentials mix entitled "Minneapolis" - there was an "explicit" tag so I had to open it. As expected I saw Prince, The Suburbs, The Replacements, Lipps, Inc. (Yes, Funkytown is a product of Minnesota) I looked at the "Next Steps" tab and scrolled down. At the bottom is a band called Trip Shakespeare. These guys played at a couple of dances at my high school and at the time they were kind of a big deal (not Prince big, but big in the local scene.) This band was fronted by Dan Wilson of Semisonic "Closing Time" fame. The song on the iTunes Essentials list is called "Toolmaster of Brainerd." Brainerd is where I grew up and went to high school and I was the biggest tool there at the time (you know, a "tool master") so that song is essentially about me. I had no idea I had such an impact on the Minnesota music scene. (You do realize that me having any influence on anything is a total fantasy - just wanted to be clear.)

In a little while here we will be heading back to Burger Jones for dinner with my mom and sis. A is at her parents helping get them settled after her mom had her hip replaced. (See, totally random stuff.) She'll be home later, but will miss dinner with us. I will try to go light tonight and get a good balance of carbs and protein. A burger should be pretty well balanced, right?

A late addition - here is the link to the Minneapolis Marathon. Like I said before, I don't know what kind of tracking they will have, but if I am still cooking out on that course at noon we will have missed our target, by A LOT. The race starts at 7:00 AM CST.

Lamb Cake Redux

The women I run with got such a kick out of the lamb cake that I offered more photos.

Anticipating the reveal.

My brother-in-law's face is classic. Notice my wife's disgust and the kids' fascination.

This is the original uncropped pic from the previous post - now you can really see how unimpressed my wife is.

This Is The Day the Lord Has Made, Let Us Rejoice and Be Glad!

That song has been going through my head for the whole of Holy Week. Easter has finally come and gone and I couldn't save myself - from myself. I'll get to that later.

Good Friday the kids were off of school and A took the day off. A and I decided that we would all go to Good Friday mass and the veneration of the cross at 7:30 PM. A was pretty adamant that this would be a short mass and if the kids were good we would all go out for ice cream, but then I said I couldn't have ice cream because I gave it up for Lent and then A said we could go out for pie and I LOVE pie but F said he "hates pie" and A said we would go someplace where they have pie and ice cream but F only wanted DQ so this already wasn't going well. The kids asked A numerous times how long mass would be and she said numerous times, "Oh, about 50 minutes. Not even an hour."

As established early last week, I am not a particularly good Catholic. But I am a very good skeptic. Now, last Sunday was Palm Sunday which includes a long reading of the Passion of the Christ. I knew this. A was again, pretty sure that it was not done on Palm Sunday, but I was fairly certain. (I always doubt my knowledge of Catholic tradition because A's dad spent some time in a Jesuit seminary and her mom has a masters in theology.) Weren't we all surprised when they asked us to sit for the gospel reading (you usually stand) and they launched into the Passion? Well, I wasn't surprised. Why is this so horrible? It just makes mass very long and a 7 and 9 year old and their father do not sit still for very long.

So, back to Good Friday. I really had no idea what to think about Good Friday mass because we never went as kids and obviously we have never gone as a family. "50 minutes." I was skeptical. I knew we were in trouble when they stared chanting the intentions and then we would kneel, then stand, then they would chant and we would kneel, then stand. The big moment finally arrived - the veneration of the cross at about an hour and ten minutes in. The kids were getting tired as was I and they knew it was lasting more than "50 minutes." All right, up to venerate the cross, couple of more prayers, a song and outta here. Nope - Time for communion. A looked at me as we were kneeling and mouthed, "When we stand - we leave." Her idea, not mine. We stood. I walked. I walked right onto my rocket ship to hell and held the hatch open so my family could accompany me. We are terrible! 

Sorry kids, no ice cream/pie. Unhappy campers!

Saturday was a beautiful spring day and we had a great time outside. Believe me, we had no intention of going to the Easter Vigil Saturday night - we both knew for sure that was a two-hour marathon.

Sunday dawned bright and sunny. Happy Easter! The kids found their weak-ass baskets with one chocolate bunny and a small handful of little chocolate somethings. I am so sick of all the candy the kids get. Luckily they lose interest real quick. We should just throw it away. A was disappointed that they didn't get new Crocs in their baskets. I rolled my eyes. Moving on.

Easter mass. No drama. Everything as planned/expected.

For Easter dinner we invited my sister and her family and another family of mutual friends. We keep it simple - ham, cheesy potatoes, green beans, salad and lamb cake. I love ham. It will be my downfall, like Mama Cass. And this is where I failed to save myself. I ate ham while I sliced it and then I had two helpings of ham and potatoes and beans. Plus lamb cake. And I wonder why I don't lose any weight. Look in the mirror, jerk-wad and stop putting stuff in your mouth. Jeeze!

Wait, what is the deal with the "lamb cake," you ask? (OK, at this point only D has asked, but she is speaking for the silent majority of my readers out there - or she might be the silent majority. Is one a majority of two? Ugh, math - never mind.)

My wife's family celebrates with cake. It seems like every holiday has a cake component. A didn't grow up with this tradition. It seems to have been born along with the grandkids - my kids. For years we have had the lamb cake (you know "Lamb of God") and for years my brother in law (my sister's husband - they always join us for Easter) and I have secretly joked about cutting into the lamb cake and having strawberry jelly ooze out. Ha, ha, ha! Ahem. Well, there is no joking with my mother in law (MIL) about the lamb cake. Frowns all around. This year my MIL is still in FLA so I decided to have a little fun with the lamb cake. Out of reverence to the Lord Jesus Christ our Savior and my MIL and A and the fact we are having twice as many people for dinner, I suggested two cakes - a traditional reverential one and a slightly more realistic/humorous one - created by moi. 

First off, my cake turned out way better than A's. It didn't stick to the mold and it stood up on its own without having to have its base "sculpted." Secondly, it was marvelously gory. "Gory" is really too strong a word here. For it to be truly gory we would have taken my brother in law's suggestion and pumped it full of strawberry jelly and we would have taken A's suggestion to put bones in it. (One suggestion, funny. One suggestion, gross. A, stick to the reverential cake baking.) Without further ado - the "Lamb Cakes."

Before

A quality reaction - A (in black) is unimpressed.

Anyone see "Silence of the Lambs?"

My second piece.

Just wait until tomorrow. 

Easter is in the books and there are no more Catholic high holidays until the end of the year, my gut is relieved. Now to have a ham sandwich. Where are the directions for doing a Heimlich on yourself? You can never be too careful around ham.

(The dog got in on the Easter spirit as well. Check out his blog for pictures of his humiliation.)

At A Loss

I am at a loss as to what to title this post. It has been busy since I posted last. Probably too busy to put in one mammoth and potentially tedious post, so I will break it up. First up, training.

Training has been going pretty well. We did our first track workout last Thursday - 800's. Since this was our first real speed day we played the number of reps by ear. Our first one started out too quick and we all felt like we were going to be in for a brutal morning of trying to not projectile vomit on each other. By the second 400 hundred of number 1 we had settled down a bit and came in only slightly quicker than our goal time. We decided to do four reps and reps 2 - 4 were way better. We were within a few seconds on each rep and once we got into the groove we felt pretty good. I would have liked to go a little faster - because I am dumb, but we agreed to stay together - after all I am "pace-boy" for the marathon. In order to work it a little harder I ran in lane 3. It wouldn't seem like much, but those extra feet or yards make a difference. Overall, we ran all four reps about 10 seconds faster than we originally planned and figured we could hold that in the future. The runs to and from the track were kind of poky, but then all they were supposed to be was warm up and warm down, right?

Friday, I blew off masters swimming. Was that awesome Wednesday workout a fluke? We will never know now, will we? I skipped it for no other reason than, I did not want to drag my butt out of bed - lame, lame, lame. To make up for it I determined I would ride my bike. Yet another trainer ride because I am a lazy wimp. I procrastinated it most of the day until I had about an hour and a half before dinner to do it. Well, it was "now or never" and I didn't want to lose a whole day of training. One problem, A and the kids were home. It was Good Friday so the kids had school off and A took the day off. If you weren't already aware of it, I hate to train when my family is around. I told A earlier in the day I would need the time to ride and in hind-site I should have gone earlier, but here I was. Now, the weather is beautiful here (finally) so the kids had been outside for a lot of the day, but they were starting to get squirrely. A decided to take them to Caribou. I think she needed the coffee and just wanted the kids to settle down some, so she stuck her head down the basement stairs to let me know her plan. 

There I am, about half way through my ride, watching Hogan's Heros, sweating like a whore in church, peddling my little bike to nowhere and she gives me the "eye-roll." Ugh! I just hate that. They leave, I finish. I have been grinding a big gear at a moderate cadence to build some leg strength, especially since I haven't been lifting. It went pretty well, but I really need to hike up my bike skirt and get on the road. There is nothing good on TV anymore. 

Saturday was our long run day. We did our first 20 miler the Saturday before so we were down to 16 or 18. There were family Easter obligations so we decided to go shorter, but we decided to run the middle 6 miles at marathon pace. MS was not feeling well at the start. There were mentions of contraception and poor food choices, but I tuned out at "contraception" and never made the connection. MS has also been having some anxiety about our race pace. It seems daunting, but I keep trying to assure that by race day it won't be at all. We worked our way through the first five miles at what we thought was our typical LSD pace and made a pit stop before we launched into "race pace." MS used the porta-loo and I stood near by making loud fart sounds with my hands because I am really a 12 year old boy at heart. But everyone else laughed, so. (It may have been embarrassed, uncomfortable laughter, I have a hard time discerning - not that it would necessarily stop me.) The six miles at race pace flew by. We were actually able to talk pretty well through the whole thing and our average pace for each mile was about 10 seconds faster then our goal. We were feeling pretty good about it. The last five miles seemed poky in comparison, but they were actually faster than they felt. Over all our average pace was 30 seconds per mile faster than our goal and our slowest mile (the first mile) was the only one right on pace. It felt great! And MS has much more confidence. (And her stomach actually felt better the longer we went - thank goodness for that.)

Sunday is my rest day and in what has become typical fashion for me on every major holiday, I overindulged, but I love ham. And lamb cake.

Which brings us to today and masters swimming. It was not my best day. I did get in about 2,200 yards in about 45 minutes, but it sucked. Or more accurately, I sucked. We got into the main set and the wheels came completely off the bus causing said bus to sink to the bottom of the pool and grind away on the brake hubs while the water slowly filled the passenger compartment and drowned my will to continue. I didn't realize it, but my legs were very tired from Saturday. I have never felt them when I kick like I did this morning. Flip turns were terrible. I was either jammed in the wall or floating back to get a toe on it. My head was not in the water. The ham and potatoes and lamb cake and ham and potatoes and lamb cake were taking their collective toll. So, I made an excuse and cut it short - and this is really the workout I should have ground out. Distance and more distance. Now I feel shame. 

But what's done is done. I would like to get on the bike to make up for my miserable performance this morning, but I still have a lot of Easter dishes to do. Hmmm, dishes or bike? It's a toss up at this point. 

Pudge-be-Gone

Wouldn't that be a great product? Just rub a little on those trouble areas - spare tire, love handles, saddle bags, what have you - and the squishy areas become firm and toned. Wait, that stuff is all over the drug store and packing my spam in-box. Well, I have developed my own Pudge-be-Gone program to combat the issues outlined in my previous post.

The Cadbury Mini-eggs are gone! Ate the last few last night after dinner. And if I recall correctly, the Starburst Jelly Beans are also gone. I was in the grocery store last night (I spend A LOT of time in the grocery store) and they were totally out of Mini-eggs and Starburst Jelly Beans. Good - temptation averted. I am still off Oreos and ice cream and, like booze, I think I will just continue to say, "No," because if I get started it will not end pretty (Think the end of "Dodgeball.") Easter dinner will come and go soon enough.

I missed Masters practice on Monday when my alarm didn't go off, so I made up for it by hopping on my bike. I wanted to go an hour or more grinding a big gear for some strength work, but because of the combination of Rachel Ray and only three cups of coffee and a bowl of oatmeal for fuel, I stuck a fork in it at 45 minutes. I did do some core work later in the day, so, I'll log it. 

Tuesday was scheduled to be a 7 mile easy run at the lakes. We had busted out our first 20 miler on Saturday and this was supposed to be recovery. We decided to run the roads around Lake Harriet instead of the trails to add in some hills. Starting out we were cruising and about half a mile in I had already used my breakfast - I was fricking STARVING (I really hate that.) My legs were protesting from Sunday and my grind the day before, but then something strange happened. I started speeding up - and everyone came with me. I just wanted to be done and the only way to be done sooner was to run faster. We were all still chatting, so I don't think we realized what was going on until we were back to the second lake, but by that time I was having such a good time going fast that I didn't back off and no one called me out on it. We added the hills and finished strong adding a loop around the parking lot to get to 7.00 miles, exactly. 

When I got home and downloaded the data, we had, again, massively negative split the run with the last mile the fastest. And it didn't even feel that tough. I LOVE that!

Last night I did my core work while watching The Biggest Loser. A HUGE improvement over eating a dozen Oreos while watching The Biggest Loser. 

I made it to Masters this morning. I had only one short, but tough, open water swim last week, so I didn't have high expectations for this morning's IM workout. Then I rocked it! I usually drill/loaf the fly part of the IM - hey, I don't need to do fly in a triathlon, so who cares - but this morning I was feeling really strong and loose, so although I still drilled some of it, I swam a lot more of it and held really good, strong form. I hit the fast intervals and really worked through the lactic acid build-up. Log another good one.

Tomorrow is our first track work out - 800's. I really like these workouts and inevitably do them too fast - but they are evenly paced. So that will help get the metabolism going, right? Then swimming or biking or both on Friday and 16 miles on Saturday. I might go 6 for 7 again this week. How cool would that be?

See ya pudge!

The Crucifixion and Resurrection of Jesus Christ Can't Come Soon Enough

All you Christians out there please do not waste your time saying a prayer for my soul. I am Catholic and I am already piloting the fastest rocket ship to hell so that post title will only make my descent that much quicker. 

Why do I need Easter to come so soon? (The title was referring to Easter - in case you are not Christian or you just don't pay attention.) Because I can't lose any weight. I am no lard-ass and some would say I am actually rather trim, but I need to lose some weight because I am lazy and don't want to drag all this excess adipose tissue up and down hill and dale for miles and miles. The fact of the matter is, all holidays kill me. 

Thanksgiving was the biggest week of gluttony I have experienced. What makes it worse is, I don't even drink anymore. It's all food. (Who makes two turkeys!? Me.) A month later is Christmas. After that food debacle I was at my heaviest in a long time. I vowed to be better with my nutrition and that worked for awhile. I was bumping up (or "down" as the case may be) against 190 and feeling pretty good. Then Easter comes along. 

As you may or may not know, I am a terrible Catholic. Yes, my kids go to Catholic school. Yes, my father-in-law was in the Jesuit seminary for over ten years - then he left - then he met my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law has a masters in theology. Her parents - A's grandparents and my kids' great-grandparents - were off-the-boat Irish Catholics. F is named after an Irish saint. So I probably have a lot of people pulling for me. They will have to do a lot of negotiating to get me through those pearly gates.

As Catholics we do the whole Lent thing (I just included a Wiki link if you don't know what this all entails - it is very complicated James Bond-type stuff that even I don't fully understand as illustrated by my lackadaisical follow through) which basically includes giving up some "vice" and not eating meat on Fridays for 40 days before Easter. Well, this year I decided to give up Oreos and ice cream. Now, in the true spirit of the sacrifice Jesus made for my soul, I should have given up all sweets/desserts, but in the spirit of making my life easier and increasing my odds of success, I decided to be very specific. (As of today I have not had any Oreos - I will get to the ice cream later.)

What does any of this have to do with not losing weight? In order to satisfy my sweet tooth (teeth) I have substituted Oreos and ice cream with multiple bags of these:

And to a lesser extent - these:

And when I say multiple, I mean many multiple. I bet I have gone through eight bags of Mini Eggs and about three bags of jelly beans. To rationalize/justify/make myself feel better, I do chase the fist-fulls of Mini Eggs with giant glasses of milk. Inevitably, I still have milk left after I eat the chocolate so I have to get more chocolate to go with the milk and then that doesn't work out so I have to get more milk to chase the chocolate and on and on until a quarter of the bag of Mini Eggs is gone and half a gallon of milk. But hey, milk's healthy, right?

While I try not to break one arm patting myself on the back for resisting Oreos, I have to come clean about ice cream. I have been pretty good, but I have had a couple of slips that I need to rationalize/justify/make myself feel better about. My kids both requested ice cream cakes for their birthdays. Now, how can I not partake in my children's birthday celebrations - I am not some inhuman monster after all. Besides, it really is kind of a gray area. It is technically "cake" and I did not give up cake. Granted, it is made with ice cream, but, again cake is in the description so I will file it under "cake." (In the larger scheme of things, Jesus might just give me a pass on this one. He certainly has bigger fish of mine to fry.) My second "slip" is also negotiable. When in Florida I went to an ice cream shop with my mother-in-law and E. When I got there I remembered, "Hey, I gave up ice cream for Lent." Now, I just couldn't disappoint my darling daughter and Grandma was buying (free stuff trumps Lent in my book) so I was all set to dive right into some creamy goodness. Then I saw it - my way out. Actually, my mother-in-law pointed it out to me. The ice cream shop also served gelato - not technically ice cream - ask any Italian, they will concur. I'll get some of that then. I had a bit of a guilty conscience (yes, I feel guilt and yes, I have a conscience - really people) because I knew this was the knife's edge of legitimacy. Then I found the Windex for my clouded conscience - SORBETTO! Frozen fruit. "I will have a scoop of each of those please." 

I did do a little penance for my ice cream/gelato/sorbetto transgression. It kind of sucked. Whoa, not enough to not eat the whole thing, but not good enough to go back. 

And that whole "no meat on Friday" thing. Long story short, it didn't happen. More fuel for the rocket. 

To make matters worse - I have Easter dinner staring me in the face (figuratively, but soon literally.) Candied spiral-cut ham, cheesy potatoes, green beans and lamb cake. Not to mention the appetizers that will precede all that gluttony. And for whatever reason, I am just a boy who can't say "no." Luckily, when I was in the grocery store this morning I saw that half the packages of Mini Eggs were gone and I wouldn't imagine they will be restocking them this late - at least I hope not. And "No," I didn't buy another bag before they were gone, I still have two bags at home. A man has got to know his limits. Maybe one of these days I will know mine.

Working "The Plan"

I have made progress on "the plan" from my previous post. I got the bike off the trainer, put the outside tire on. Filled it with a CO2 cartridge, because I had never done that and wanted to see what to expect when I need to do it in a race or a ride. (Those things fill a tire quick and are seriously only a one shot deal.) This morning I started to shave my legs. The first time takes for-ever. I decided to stage it instead of one marathon session (hey, I have other things to do, too.) Today has been pouring rain all day, so no outside bike for me, but I could always pop my bike back on the trainer. 

I did get a good swim workout in. We had a set of 200s that left my arms feeling like little noodles (you know, the super thin Chinese rice noodles, not the fatter, but equally delicious, udon noodles), but it was good to really put them to work. Mmmm, noodles. Oh, look! Lunchtime.

Damn You, Winter!

Winter came back with a vengeance in the form of 6" of blowing and drifting snow in about 5 hours. It is still coming down and still blowing, but I decided I would rather move 6" of snow and then 3" rather than 9". So, I did workout number three for the day - ran this morning, biked this afternoon and did my core workout (AKA shoveling) this evening. Right now however, my kids and their friends are "un-shoveling" all the snow I already moved. Dig a hole, then dig it again. I did not shovel ALL the snow. I used my little snow blower to move the majority, but there was still a lot of shoveling involved. Here are a couple of pictures. 

This is my neighbor's driveway, only for comparison. 

This is my driveway.  

It took a little longer than expected because the dog had issues with the snowblower.

Before I went out I threw together a little Belgian Beef Stew. Anything with beef, beer and brandy can't be too bad. I will load up with a hearty meal tonight and then shovel again tomorrow morning - grrrrr.

Share a cold...

with your dog. That is what I am doing right now. We were both "sneezey" yesterday and both of us were very "snorey" last night. A was worried about getting a good night's sleep as she was getting our snores in stereo - apparently the dog snores as loud as I do. Impressive! (I actually don't snore as loud or often as I used to, that is how I can tell I have a little bit of a cold.) I think I may have gotten my cold from the dog who has shown quite a knack for getting his tongue in my open mouth - ugh. I also may have gotten it from F, who has been spraying coughs all over the house (followed by me yelling, "Cover!")

The run this morning was good. We tried out race pace for a mile in the middle and it went pretty well. Our training pace is really not that far off. I personally think we are all in better shape than we were last year, just from our ability to chat while we maintain a nice quick little pace. It was kind of a sad run however. We really enjoyed the clear paths and mostly ice-free conditions, but we are going to get 4" - 7" of heavy, blowing snow over the next 24 hours - welcome back to winter. We also really enjoyed running the last 30 minutes or so in daylight. That all comes to a screeching halt as we are plunged back into darkness with Daylight Savings time in a couple of weeks. Three steps forward - two steps back. (Notice my optimism - that is a net of one step forward. It is so unlike me.)

Today's goal: drink as many cups of blueberry breeze green tea as possible and try not to eat ALL the Trefoils. (Some people have said I am cheating for Lent by giving up Oreos specifically, but not all cookies - yeah, well, I am already piloting a rocket ship to hell, so I might as well fuel it with some Girl Scout sinner cookies.)