First Day of 41

Since we all had so much fun looking back at year 40. Here are some of the goals I have for year 41.

• Get out of bed every morning (maybe not looking forward to this, but it's a goal)
• Stay married
• Keep the kids alive and unmaimed (you know, relatively speaking)
• Train for an Ironman (this is directly related to item two and three on the list)
• Finish an Ironman
• Bustin' well under 5:00 for a HIM
• Two weeks in Italy (this is also directly related to item two and three on the list)
• Make sure the dog still has three legs
• Get another article published (Penthouse Forum is not an option, Ian)
• Another marathon, maybe a BQ
• More blogging (or less, maybe I should put that to a vote)
• Less Facebook/Twitter (highly doubtful)
• More coffee
• More bacon
• Less big, hairy gut
• Improve my personality so that it isn't so off-putting and churlish (highly doubtful and up yours for agreeing with me)
• Fewer skirts, more pants
• Not die from stupidity (I've made it this far, but stupidity has a cumulative effect)

I chose these because they are mostly in my control. Finding a job, winning the lottery, stop losing my hair - kind of out of my control at this time.

The Last Day of 40

Tomorrow is my birthday. Again. I think today is a good time review what I did in my 40th year of being. In no particular order:

• Got a dog
• Volunteered at an Ironman
• Signed up for an Ironman
• Stayed married
• Ran two more marathons
• Raced three more triathlons and actually got 3rd in AG in one
• Went to Milan
• Got an article published
• Joined Facebook
• Joined Twitter
• Wasted endless amounts of time on Facebook & Twitter
• Wrote a whole bunch of blog posts
• Kept my kids alive
• Started the year with the best Christmas mind f*ck ever on my kids
• Started cooking more
• Taught at the University of Minnesota - decided one semester was enough
• Drank copious amounts of coffee
• Ate more than the recommended daily allowance of bacon
• Got out of bed every morning
  

I guess it was an OK year.

The Crucifixion and Resurrection of Jesus Christ Can't Come Soon Enough

All you Christians out there please do not waste your time saying a prayer for my soul. I am Catholic and I am already piloting the fastest rocket ship to hell so that post title will only make my descent that much quicker. 

Why do I need Easter to come so soon? (The title was referring to Easter - in case you are not Christian or you just don't pay attention.) Because I can't lose any weight. I am no lard-ass and some would say I am actually rather trim, but I need to lose some weight because I am lazy and don't want to drag all this excess adipose tissue up and down hill and dale for miles and miles. The fact of the matter is, all holidays kill me. 

Thanksgiving was the biggest week of gluttony I have experienced. What makes it worse is, I don't even drink anymore. It's all food. (Who makes two turkeys!? Me.) A month later is Christmas. After that food debacle I was at my heaviest in a long time. I vowed to be better with my nutrition and that worked for awhile. I was bumping up (or "down" as the case may be) against 190 and feeling pretty good. Then Easter comes along. 

As you may or may not know, I am a terrible Catholic. Yes, my kids go to Catholic school. Yes, my father-in-law was in the Jesuit seminary for over ten years - then he left - then he met my mother-in-law. My mother-in-law has a masters in theology. Her parents - A's grandparents and my kids' great-grandparents - were off-the-boat Irish Catholics. F is named after an Irish saint. So I probably have a lot of people pulling for me. They will have to do a lot of negotiating to get me through those pearly gates.

As Catholics we do the whole Lent thing (I just included a Wiki link if you don't know what this all entails - it is very complicated James Bond-type stuff that even I don't fully understand as illustrated by my lackadaisical follow through) which basically includes giving up some "vice" and not eating meat on Fridays for 40 days before Easter. Well, this year I decided to give up Oreos and ice cream. Now, in the true spirit of the sacrifice Jesus made for my soul, I should have given up all sweets/desserts, but in the spirit of making my life easier and increasing my odds of success, I decided to be very specific. (As of today I have not had any Oreos - I will get to the ice cream later.)

What does any of this have to do with not losing weight? In order to satisfy my sweet tooth (teeth) I have substituted Oreos and ice cream with multiple bags of these:

And to a lesser extent - these:

And when I say multiple, I mean many multiple. I bet I have gone through eight bags of Mini Eggs and about three bags of jelly beans. To rationalize/justify/make myself feel better, I do chase the fist-fulls of Mini Eggs with giant glasses of milk. Inevitably, I still have milk left after I eat the chocolate so I have to get more chocolate to go with the milk and then that doesn't work out so I have to get more milk to chase the chocolate and on and on until a quarter of the bag of Mini Eggs is gone and half a gallon of milk. But hey, milk's healthy, right?

While I try not to break one arm patting myself on the back for resisting Oreos, I have to come clean about ice cream. I have been pretty good, but I have had a couple of slips that I need to rationalize/justify/make myself feel better about. My kids both requested ice cream cakes for their birthdays. Now, how can I not partake in my children's birthday celebrations - I am not some inhuman monster after all. Besides, it really is kind of a gray area. It is technically "cake" and I did not give up cake. Granted, it is made with ice cream, but, again cake is in the description so I will file it under "cake." (In the larger scheme of things, Jesus might just give me a pass on this one. He certainly has bigger fish of mine to fry.) My second "slip" is also negotiable. When in Florida I went to an ice cream shop with my mother-in-law and E. When I got there I remembered, "Hey, I gave up ice cream for Lent." Now, I just couldn't disappoint my darling daughter and Grandma was buying (free stuff trumps Lent in my book) so I was all set to dive right into some creamy goodness. Then I saw it - my way out. Actually, my mother-in-law pointed it out to me. The ice cream shop also served gelato - not technically ice cream - ask any Italian, they will concur. I'll get some of that then. I had a bit of a guilty conscience (yes, I feel guilt and yes, I have a conscience - really people) because I knew this was the knife's edge of legitimacy. Then I found the Windex for my clouded conscience - SORBETTO! Frozen fruit. "I will have a scoop of each of those please." 

I did do a little penance for my ice cream/gelato/sorbetto transgression. It kind of sucked. Whoa, not enough to not eat the whole thing, but not good enough to go back. 

And that whole "no meat on Friday" thing. Long story short, it didn't happen. More fuel for the rocket. 

To make matters worse - I have Easter dinner staring me in the face (figuratively, but soon literally.) Candied spiral-cut ham, cheesy potatoes, green beans and lamb cake. Not to mention the appetizers that will precede all that gluttony. And for whatever reason, I am just a boy who can't say "no." Luckily, when I was in the grocery store this morning I saw that half the packages of Mini Eggs were gone and I wouldn't imagine they will be restocking them this late - at least I hope not. And "No," I didn't buy another bag before they were gone, I still have two bags at home. A man has got to know his limits. Maybe one of these days I will know mine.

What do 20 Third-Grade Girls, Conjunctivitis and 16.7 Miles Have in Common?

Nothing really. 

E had her birthday party yesterday after school. It turned out to be the perfect day. It was clear and sunny and warm (37 degrees - I know SD and HI, not warm - but it is for us.) The girls had a great time and there were no injuries or bickering, just screeching third-grade girls all in their matching uniform shirts, bombing down the tubing hill.

Giant chocolate chip cookies instead of cake around the gas bonfire. That is a big crowd. Thank goodness they are outside and no where near my house.

F riding up the tow-rope. (That is my big dumb foot, there.)

Bombing down the hill.

A couple of friends. 37 Degrees is too hot to wear a jacket.

  

During our run this morning MS was talking about what she was doing today and she said she was taking her kids to Circus Juventas. It's supposed to be pretty neat. I kept calling it Circus Conjunctivitis.

We did our long run this morning. It was a decent day. 29 at the start, but that just meant that all the snow that melted yesterday froze into slick, treacherous rinks this morning. It was a challenging run. MS was finishing her first week of tri training and LF was still feeling her Achille's. I had sore lower legs from the running I did earlier in the week. But we sucked it up and made it. 16.7 miles total. Our average pace was dead on, but if you look at our splits we had to work for it. Being the pacer, I kept the pace about 30 seconds fast in the middle because we had started the first couple of miles very slow. We had a surprisingly slow mile right at the end, too. 

A good Saturday so far. We have a cocktail party later. I need to catch a nap or I won't make it.

Busy Friday

I am looking at a busy Friday. I just got home from Master's Swimming. Not many people in the pool today. It was "Sprint Friday" - as it is every Friday - but we had a substitute coach. To make things interesting he threw in eight 50 yard sprints off the blocks. I can not remember the last time I started off blocks. The skills - or lack there of - came back no problem. I didn't lose my goggles or "hurt myself" (some guys might know what I mean) and I did alright. 2,800 mostly sprint yards done. 

Now, I have typical morning stuff to do - shower, pick up the house, walk the dog, return emails, etc. This afternoon is atypical. 

E's birthday is next week - St. Patty's Day - but we are celebrating it today. F's birthday is eight days later, as soon as they were old enough to understand we established a policy of alternating big birthday parties. This year is E's - she chose snow tubing. When she first suggested this, I groaned. The last thing I want to do is freeze my butt off in the middle of March. It is actually turning out to be a good day for it. It will be sunny and "warm" (37 degrees) and outside and not in my house. The snow tubing is at a local ski hill and they have sculpted lanes, big inner tubes with nylon sleeves over them and a tow rope that drags you up the hill. We have been before - it really is a lot of fun. Only problem for me is that it involves 20 third grade girls. Ever been around ten third grade girls? Well, past that number each additional girl is a factor of ten, so we might as well have like 1,000 third grade girls attending. (Somebody can correct my math there. Remember - Interior Designer NOT Architect.) They are all so screechy and loud. 

We are probably the worst birthday party throwers ever. This year - NO GIFTS - the girls are told to bring a new book to donate to the school library. We DO NOT need more crap in our house. We also do not do gift bags. This is just a personal preference and not meant as a knock on other families, but why do I have to give your kid a bunch of crap for attending my kid's birthday party? Your kid just got to have all sorts of fun, eat cake, drink juice and be out of your hair for a couple hours - I think that is enough of a payment. (Really, the reason is because I am lazy and I don't like to do that crafty kind of crap.)

Before we get to the hill I have to pick up the cake (which is actually three GIANT chocolate chip cookies) and all the treats and drinks and beer for A. (It's how she copes - not really, that makes her sound like she has a drinking problem. And let me tell you, she has NO problem drinking.) So the afternoon has me running around. I am hoping for an early night - I have 16 - 18 miles to run tomorrow morning. Ready, set, Go!

Suck It 40!

I just got back from renewing my drivers license and I passed the eye exam without wearing my glasses.  So, I no longer am required to wear glasses to drive.  Next thing you know I will be able to eat copious amounts of food without gaining weight, stay up all night and still function the next day, join Facebook and start playing video games all day*.  Since I have turned 40 it's like time is running backward.  

(*Don't worry, Honey, I am saying all those things facetiously.)

Da Na Na Na Na Na Na! You say it's your birthday!

Da Na Na Na Na Na Na! It's my birthday, too! Yeah!

On my birthday in history - 

Events:

1818
Illinois became the 21st state in the United States.

1833
Oberlin College in Ohio became the first coed institution of higher learning in the U.S.

1979
In Cincinnati, Ohio, eleven fans are killed during a stampede for seats before a Who concert at Riverfront Coliseum.

1967
Dr. Christiaan Barnard performs the first successful heart transplant in Cape Town, South Africa.

1984
Deadly gas leaks from a Union Carbide plant in Bhopal, India , killing more than 2,000 people and injuring 200,000.


Birthdays:

1948 - Ozzy Osbourne, English singer ("singer" in the loosest sense of the word.)

1955 - Warren Jeffs, American convicted polygamist (Poster-child for dirty old men.)

1960 - Daryl Hannah, American actress ("actress" in the loosest sense of the word.)

1965 - Katarina Witt, German figure skater ("Super hot Olympic skater" in the strictest sense of the word.)

1968 - Brendan Fraser, American actor ("actor" in the loosest sense of the word.)

Overall not the worst day to be born. A nice mix of positive events - Illinois begat Chicago, Co-ed colleges begat my wife, heart transplants begat life saving - and tragedies - The Who begat the end of "festival seating," Union Carbide begat mass killing. Unfortunately, others who share my birthday, with the exception of Katarina Witt, seem to be marginally talented hacks and/or total creeps. I hope that doesn't reflect on me.

One final thought:

Lines On Facing Forty

I have a bone to pick with Fate.
Come here and tell me, girlie,
Do you think my mind is maturing late,
Or simply rotted early?

-- Ogden Nash