My Morning and a PSA

***This post gets a little "personal" so if you would rather just read funny stuff about my kids or marvel at my incredible athletic endeavors, then maybe you want to come back later. I am not saying this won't be humorous, but my body parts might be alluded to.***

This morning I had my first run with MS in what seemed a very long time. It was nice to catch up with her. Her dad has been engaged in an ongoing battle with prostate cancer and they have exhausted all the "conventional" treatments so they headed down to the Mayo Clinic last week to see if they could get some info on new or different treatments.

In the course of our conversation about her dad's doctor visit, MS told me the doctor asked her dad when his last digital prostate exam was (for those unfamiliar with the male anatomy and what this exam entails let me paint you a picture - the doctor crams his finger up your "bung hole" and feels your prostate to make sure it's not bumpy or bigger than it should be - sounds like fun, right?) His reply was something to the effect, "That is a 'one way' street and nothing goes up there." MS voiced what I was thinking - that sentiment is part of what got you here today!

Following our run I had a run-in of my own with Dr. Jellyfinger also known as my urologist. Here is a little background:

My dad died of prostate cancer ten years ago this year. He had an extremely aggressive form, but stayed with us for 18 months longer than the six months they had originally expected. He was 57. That is young for a person to be diagnosed with and then die of prostate cancer. Because of his young age and the aggressive nature of his cancer, my primary care physician recommended I see a urologist once a year starting about five years ago just to be safe.

So here is the PSA (this actually has a dual meaning - Public Service Announcement and Prostate Specific Antigen - the "thing" in the blood test commonly used to detect early prostate cancer. Here I mean the former.) (This only applies to men - women have other "parts" to mess around with.)

Men, when your doctor recommends that you start having your prostate checked - have it checked! The whole "digital exam" takes like thirty seconds at the very most. Oh, and according to a doctor friend - if you think you don't like getting that exam, apparently doctors like giving it even less. So don't be a "cool guy" who never "lets anything in through the out door." Relax! It might save your life someday.

BTW - My tests all came out normal and just fine. The nurse who took my blood pressure and pulse asked if I was a runner. Perhaps my nearly dead heart rate or barely perceptible blood pressure gave me away - she wouldn't tell me how she knew.

(And that is more than anyone ever wanted to know about me!)

A Theme

Following are a bunch of pictures. They are kind of random, but a theme develops. This will not score me points with potential employers, my wife, my in-laws or law enforcement officials in any number of southern states. I will however score points with my 7-year-old son, maybe my 9-year-old-daughter and 12-year-old boys across the country (and people with the maturity level of said 12-year-olds, myself included.)

Still on vacation - we saw this little critter napping on the wall outside our front door this morning.

Does anyone else find anything funny about my breakfast this morning? (My wife saw this one at the table and we shared a laugh, so you can too. And yes, I ate every bite.)

We went to this petting zoo called "The Farm" today like we do every year. They have sheep.

They have sows and piglets.

They have horses. My timing could not have been worse.

Oh, this picture is much better. This is "Big Duke." Duh!

And an ass.

(If anyone is baffled by the "theme" I will post a slightly more obvious version tomorrow, but come on, it's all pretty obvious, isn't it?)

My Boy Discovers His Nuts

More accurately he discovers other boys nuts. 

Here is the scenario. Last night at soccer F is on the sideline as the other line is in. I step away from the action to talk to a buddy who is watching a different game on the field next to ours. I am not paying attention for like five minutes and I return to see F punching one of his teammates/classmates in the stomach and his coconspirator returning the favor. I immediately put a stop to this and ask F, "What are you doing?!" "We're trying to punch each other in the nutths." (He has a little lisp.) "Well, knock it off!" 

Seconds later A is at my side (she was on the other side of the field watching F and all his teammates take pot-shots at each other.) In an excited voice (read: yelling at me) she asks if I saw what was going on, F is hitting other kids, F is picking fights with kids bigger than him, etc., etc. In a calm, soothing voice (read: yelling back at her) I assure her it has all been taken care of, that the boys were just hitting each other in the nuts and it is all over now. Her response "Don't yell at ME!" Why do I always get in trouble for stuff my kids do?

After the kids are in bed I try to explain the whole situation. "Boys are dumb! They think hitting someone in the nuts is funny (there are whole TV shows based on just such a premise.) Hell, they think the word 'nuts' is almost as funny as 'poop'. Eventually every boy will actually get hit in the nuts. Hard. They will have that pain seared permanently into their avoidance system and then punching someone in the nuts will stop. As far as taking shots at a bigger kid - hey, F thinks he is on the same level as everyone else. I don't want to really change that perception as he is kind of fearless that way. Eventually he will mess with the wrong bigger kid and they will put him in his place or he will have to defend himself. Either way he'll learn and be fine. Bottom line - Boys are dumb!"

I don't know if I was particularly reassuring, but we at least got off the subject.

Then, to further emphasize my point I showed her this:

Finnism

F walks into the bathroom after he wakes up this morning.

He puts his two Webkinz stuffed animals - Shelly the turtle and Flip the dolphin - on the tank of the toilet, looking into the bowl. He lifts the seat, drops his pants and prepares to "use the facilities."

A & I chuckle.

F:  "What?  They wanna watch. It's no big deal, they're both boys."

Finnism

"The most important part of your clothes is your underpants cause that is where your privates go."  No arguments there.