A Perfect Storm

Here is the transcript of an email I wrote to myself to keep from going crazy while on vacation:

The "Crazy" arrived today and I am already out of my mind. In the first four hours of "crazy's" arrival she recounted twice how she got beaned with a softball and cut her forehead. She went on to compliment the rather expensive sunglasses she got in Italy for saving her from more damage when in fact they are more than likely the source of the cut and more than likely she would have simply had a bump if she wasn't wearing them. Then she proceeded to warn one daughter about playing with a toy near her eye and the other about possibly splitting open her chin, again. To make matters worse, it is rainy and gross, I just ate a big dinner and I can't go for a run. My father in law is deaf and alternates by giving me updates of the weather or the various channels he has "discovered" on the cable TV. The kids are all playing together nicely - which is a good thing. Ann, "Crazy" and my mother in law are swapping stories of ailments, treatments and beauty procedures gone wrong. Actually, Ann isn't swapping much, but she is encouraging somewhat and listening, bless her heart. So I am hiding and getting anxious and edgy and wish I still drank so I could go for a full on stupor.  

The worst part of it is SHE NEVER SHUTS UP! She talks ALL THE FUCKING TIME! I need the weather to be nice so I can get the hell out of here.

Heaven help me.