I really don't know what to say

I have a dilemma. I need something to motivate me to bike outside. I am considering shaving my legs. My reasoning? What fool (me) would shave his legs without a good reason? If I shaved them I would have to ride outside or I would just seem like some strange (or stranger) guy who likes smooth smooth legs. (I shave every year when I bike, but not usually until I am on the road consistently.) Why now? A week from this Sunday we will be in Florida for spring break where I will run at least a couple times in shorts and a t-shirt and it would be the perfect time to get a little color on these alabaster twigs and it's easier to put sunscreen on smooth legs than hairy ones, right? (I can rationalize an-ny-thing.)

A is in Chicago for the weekend visiting some college girlfriends, so in an effort to not cook dinner for the entire weekend I took the kids out to one of the less marginal restaurants within walking distance of our house. They got the usual kids' fare when out at a restaurant - pancakes and chocolate waffles. I opted for something else which I will not describe here because the mere thought of it sends waves of nausea coursing through my body. I ate the whole plate of food and immediately regretted every bite. I really need to figure out how to put down the fork. Now, in an effort to make up for a really horrible-for-me meal I am in the process of flushing all the toxins I ingested by shoveling fist-fulls of jelly beans and Cadbury Mini-eggs down my gullet with the hope that all the sugar, pectin, binders and artificial colors and flavors will bond with the other nasty things already in my stomach and create the essential amino acids, vitamins, minerals and antioxidants I need. (As you can probably tell, I have no idea how digestion or nutrition works. It all seems like a bit of black magic that allows me to put a delicious morsel, or ten, in my mouth and then later I produce an amazing amount of... physical activity.)