Standing on State Street bleary-eyed from staring into the night looking for Gary, as people who had been racing for over 13 hours came shuffling by, I chose to trot out this gem:
"You're heading in the right direction!"
WTF!? What kind of asshole says that? Apparently this kind of asshole. One guy wanted to hit me with a chair (I could tell in his eyes) and I think a woman tried to spit on me, but lucky for me she was so exhausted she may have just kind of drooled on herself.
Not to be left out, after ridiculing me for my most un-encouraging "encouragement", MS, upon making eye contact with an obviously female participant - not to be confused with Gary - ran with her a couple of steps and produced from her mouth the most inspiring words a person could ever want to hear to propel them to that finish line after lo those many miles of work:
"Love It!"
Really?! "Love it!" "Love it?!" "love it" That's all ya got? At least my "encouragement" was somewhat informative. "Love it" raises too many questions in someone's already fuel and electrolyte depleted mind.
Love what? You love my shoes, my racing kit? What? Are you ordering me to "love it" and if so what is "it?" The pain I am feeling? The all-knowing power of the universe? What? What "IT"!? At which point their weakened minds, having been pushed too far would give up and say, "Fuck it, I must stop running so I can figure out what 'it' is." Then MS was hunted down for answers and retribution, but by this time she had discovered that the woman in a swim cap was actually Gary and having left to run along with him and pledge her undying solidarity and swearing to never let another woman love Gary if she couldn't be the only one in his life, the hunters missed their prey.
CS wisely chose to keep her mouth shut and just clapped her hands and made unoffensive whooping sounds while she looked at us two yahoos and sadly shook her head in embarrassment for us.
5 comments:
PLEASE come cheer absolutely random funny things in Kona! If you can't come to Kona then text D all your funny randomness and she will cheer them for you: "T-odd says GO FORWARD", "T-odd says MAKE PEACE!"
Yeah, what Charisa said. Make us laugh so hard that everyone will want to know what gu were taking!
tn
You just might have to go to Kona in my place...
I still don't think anything beats, "You're almost there" at 4 miles into the marathon :D
It was actually me that said "Love it", but I like this version better. :)
Court - someone had to appear to emerge from that weekend with a shred of dignity intact. MS wrapped up her dignity and put it in a gift basket along with some fresh fruit, coffees of the world, Ghiradellhi chocolates and a framed 8 x 10 of Gary on his bike with MS Photoshopped in so it looks like she is getting a ride from him while she is dressed in a wedding gown. My dignity has been MIA for years. So I chose you to be the dignified one of the "Three Douche-mateers."
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